


안아보자 (let me hug you)

by j_nhees



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Dongchan, I guess????, M/M, Unrequited Love, angst??????, but still kinda sad, dongjun - Freeform, i was listening to ikon's hug me and the lyrics inspired me, its not ~very~ angsty, junhee is sad, this is really short, wowkwan are just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 10:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15241845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_nhees/pseuds/j_nhees
Summary: just one time, before you go to him, let me hug you. just enough so it won’t ruin our friendship. just enough so i won’t have any regret.





	안아보자 (let me hug you)

Junhee had always liked observing his members.

He’s sitting on the couch, alone, pretending to go through his phone while also glancing at the mirror every now and then. He watches how Donghun laughs at everything Yuchan says, watches how his hands that hold the youngest always seem to linger a little longer.

He pretends not to notice, but he knows both Donghun and Yuchan are trying to balance themselves between the thin line of friends and lovers. The two always went along, and Donghun likes to say that he liked Yuchan the most, likes saying that he could stare at Yuchan whenever he’s sad and his mood would lift up. Yuchan doesn’t seem too obvious about it, but anyone would notice enough if they squint. The youngest always liked being held, but his eyes and smile hold something different when it came to Donghun. Everyone knew Yuchan likes being praised, but he always got especially happy and energetic when Donghun does it.

Meanwhile, with Byeongkwan and Sehyoon, everyone could tell they’re in love. They’re inseparable. They try to hide it but their eyes tell everything. The way they look at each other was enough proof of how much they adore each other. Junhee likes to pretend not to see it, but he notices how Byeongkwan easily slips in between Sehyoon’s arms, notices how Byeongkwan seems to always find a way to sit on Sehyoon’s lap because that’s where he belongs, and Junhee could tell that, indeed, it was Byeongkwan’s place. Junhee notices the way Sehyoon always has his hand resting on the younger’s lower back, as if guiding him, notices how the dark-haired, stoic-looking member always stared at Byeongkwan with so much love in his eyes. Their love was so obvious, they couldn’t hide it if they try.

 

* * *

  


Junhee had always told himself it was nothing.

He likes to pretend it’s nothing; the sharp pain stinging in his chest whenever Donghun would hold Yuchan a short while longer, likes to pretend it was probably only because he’s also longing for someone to love, that it wasn’t because Donghun loves Yuchan and not him.

Donghun’s head snaps up when he hears the sharp intake of breath, though his hands continue to run through Yuchan’s hair, the latter asleep and resting his head on Donghun’s lap.

Donghun’s eyebrows furrow, forehead creasing in between when he notices Junhee. He momentarily stops caressing the youngest to pat the space beside him, wordlessly asking Junhee if he’d like to sit down, in which Junhee refuses to do. The oldest, confused, only shrugs, before going back to running his hand through Yuchan’s hair, knowing it made him feel at peace, remembering it helped Yuchan sleep more comfortably.

  


* * *

  


Junhee had always liked hugs.

He pretends it doesn’t break him and his heart, the way Donghun hugs him, arms wrapped around his slightly tinier frame. He bites his lower lip, trying to stop the sob threatening to get out of him, trying to stop his tears from falling.

“I know you, Junhee, we’ve been together for so long. You’ve never been this… secretive towards me,” Donghun whispers, still keeping Junhee in his arms, a hand carefully running up and down his back.

_Do I tell him?_

He decides that it’s useless; he wasn’t going to hurt anyone just for the comfort of his heart. He breathes in deeply just as Donghun lets him go. He doesn’t dare to look up, eyes staring down, though he tries his best to flash a smile. Donghun’s worried, but he doesn’t push it further, and instead of saying anything, the older only places a hand on his shoulder, followed by a light squeeze, in which Junhee responds to with a nod.

Donghun quietly leaves the room, and Junhee sighs before heading towards the window. The sky is turning orange, the sun is setting soon. It’s a bright day, transforming into a calm night, but it’s raining in his heart.

  


* * *

  


If Junhee had just been a bit quicker, would he be the one being held by Donghun, every night?

Junhee half-wishes he could turn back the time to see if he had a chance if he even was brave enough to give it a shot. Would he be the one to be able to sleep beside Donghun, warm, comfortable and happy? Would he be the one to be with him, through the best and worst? If he told Donghun now, would it make any difference? Would Donghun realize it was Junhee all along, and Yuchan had only been a phase, someone important, irreplaceable, but still not the one?

Junhee contemplates if he should tell Donghun, but decides not to. Donghun is happy. Yuchan is happy. He wasn’t going to wreck a seemingly happy relationship just for his own desires. He’ll keep it in, for as long as his heart allows, for as long as his heart wants him to before he could move on. He wants to try and see if it would make a different, but his mind is set. His mind is set.

But his heart hurts.

 

* * *

  


“I need a hug. Just… a short one.”

Donghun was seated on his bed, reading tweets from the fans and smiling at a few, before the silence in his room was broken. It was dark, and the only light came from his phone and the moonlight seeping in through the gap of the curtains. The moonlight is shining on Junhee’s face; tired, seemingly sleepy. Donghun sits up straight, his legs swinging on the side of the bed as he patted the space beside him, belatedly realizing Junhee probably didn’t see, so he mutters a quiet “come here”, his voice hoarse, and the leader obliges, making his way towards the bed and plopping beside the oldest member.

Junhee rests the side of his head on Donghun’s shoulder, his forehead pressed against the side of his neck. There’s a sob that’s choking him and Junhee’s sure that if he parts his lips, he would cry. His vision is blurry and in his head, there are memories of which only Donghun and him did. Memories of Donghun singing a love song; when they both couldn’t sleep from their heavy hearts after having a planned debut cancelled once again, of Donghun’s smiles and affectionate little forehead kisses. He pulls back, and Donghun lets him go, worried. With a hand, he wipes the lone tear that had fallen down his cheek and he still refuses to look at Donghun as he nods, whispering a quiet _thank you_ , before leaving the room just as quietly as he came.

  


* * *

  


_this is how your embrace feels, it’s very warm._

_maybe it’s because i love you, but you’re so beautiful, you, who i can’t have._

_this is how your embrace feels, it’s very warm._

_if a love that can’t ever be can still count as love, will i feel better?_

**Author's Note:**

> this is short but and unedited so. i need to get back on writing so i could write better than this, i wasn't satisfied but i had to do it before it slipped out of my mind again asjhsdks. also, this isn't tmh era.. Anyways, i hope you liked it!


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